I Am Number Four (2011)

You know, I really don't go to watch things I think I won't like. 
If I'm ever angry or talk shit about a film, it's only because it doesn't deliver on it's promise. But I'm struggling to think where I percieved that that I Am Number Four showed any promise. I guess I thought DJ Caruso was good for making entertaining popcorn B.S, like Disturbia and Eagle Eye.
Had I looked more closely I would have noticed that this was a film produced by Michael Bay and written by the makers of Smallville and the head writer of Buffy. It take no pride in saying that this is remarkable by how much it is translucently made by accountants/commitee. It's difficult not to view it in as cynical a manner as the way it was produced. It's like someone said 'I like Harry Potter but... um... whataboutdoingitwithbetterlookingAmericanpeople'. It's obvious that someone said I want a franchise like Twilight and Potter and sought to make one. Even the book on which those film was based was successful author James Frey taking his clout and to get prospective writers from the internet to help him write the most commercial creative property possible. More on that interesting endeavour HERE

I guess I expected this to be wall to wall action too; there's a bit but you face to wait around an hour for that to show up. It really poorly lit too,which you might excuse if it was 3d; the fact it's not 3d seems less like a moment of restraint but a great commercial oversight.
Timothy Olyphant pops up for a while and that's alright and he's likable but I'm sorry but none of the kids in this film can exide charisma. But it's okay, they're young and they can learn and their beauty will tide them over. It's not just the vapid cute youngsters.  It's the soundtrack too with it's use of songs from Adele and New Kings Of Leon (as in New Labour) and The XX. I like The XX and I don't begrudge them picking up a royalty cheque but you just know that someone in a meeting stoically said 'my intern likes these songs and we will use them'. At least and this will be the first and last time I will stick up for the Twilight travesty but at least, they commission bands to make them original music.
The mission statement of this whole thing was let's just take and make something based on what people already like. Okay. I believe in democracy but is there any place for it in creativity? It's not even like they used they themes as jumping off points-it's more like they did a sloppy cut'n'paste, where these moments are there but there's no context.
That said this film is too polished, there's no dirt under it's fingernails. There's nothing interesting or quirky about it; not that I expected it to be but it's not even dependable in it's promise of excitement. It's just boring and I can't think of a worse crime for any film.

I watched I Am Number Four (2011) at the cinema.

My 2011 in Movies will return with The Illusionist (2010)...

A Perfect Getaway (2009)

I decided to watch A Perfect Getaway today because i'm a lil hungover and i need some lightweight, undemanding fare. Can't watch Atom Egoyan films everyday. The main draw here would be the director/writer David Twohy. He made Pitch Black (2000), which is a great slice of wierd sci-fi thiller and put Vin Diesel on the map. They also made a quasi-sequel The Chronicles of Riddick (2004), which is FUHHHGGIN AWFUL. It's like Vin Diesel walked on the set of Dungeons and Dragons and they decided to keep him in the film cos Vin Diesel was a big deal at the time. Anyway, since i know A Perfect Getaway is very similar in theme (people killing each other on a desolate locale) to Pitch Black, this should should play to Twohy's strength...

This story is essentially a murder mystery. Not in the Sunday night ITV or Murder She Wrote sense- No, in this story the protagonists (Milla Jovovich and Steve Zahn) on their honeymoon in Hawaii are told there is another couple who are killing couples on the island. They come in contact with Chris Hemsworth & Marley Shelton and Timothy Olyphant & Kiele Sanchez, so basically in this murder mystery the implication is, it's one of these two couples, instead of, say 5 suspects with motives.

Before I lay into the HUGE problem with the film (It's a Biggie), in the interest of parity- A Perfect Getaway is plenty exciting and thrilling (I watched it on a laptop and it still translated.) but really that's the only decent card in it's hand. 

The writing really stinks- there's this terrible running meta-gag where characters are discussing screen-writing devices like 'red-herrings'- it just annoyingly takes you out of the film.

The film's Waterloo, it's Alamo is the massive gaping hole it leaves in the reveal of the murderers. To be fair even after that, the film is still exciting and you're still curious to see how it's going to play out (if only to see how Twohy is gonna MacGuyver his way outta this one...) but David Twohy... I understand, mate. You thought, what's the least obvious conclusion this film could have? BUT the problem, Dave, is that you would need the MOST amazing explanation to land it satisfactorily and reveal of the murderers in A Perfect Getaway, doesn't remotely come close to making sense. It's not like 'they did it? i could have sworn it would be...'- No, this just confounds everything that came before it. I mean the film stops and they explain what happened but it is in no way satisfactory. I suppose you guessed who it is, haven't you? I've spoiled it haven't i?

Well, just count yourself lucky- you didn't waste 90mins on this film.

I'm sorry Dave. That was a bit strong. I apologise; like i said it's entertaining and exciting but with your last 30mins, you took everything from the 1st hr and said well... well you probably said 'Oh this will really fuck with audience- they won't know what's going on!' You're right Dave, but sadly they won't care either.

I watched A Perfect Getaway on LoveFilm Online - http://bit.ly/hl07Bl

My 2011 in Movies will return with Wall-E (2008)...