A film i'd not heard of before starring Charles Bronson (this one not this one). I read the synopsis-
A middle aged writer of pornographic novels meets and falls in love with a sixteen year old school girl...Go on...
Twinky is a 16-year-old schoolgirl who elopes with an American novelist played by Charles Bronson. Both sets of parents, on both sides of the Atlantic, are appalled and most viewers will be too as dear mini-skirted, rapidly maturing Twinky participates in street demos and sets her sights on a career as a hippy. The overall tone suggests a sort of Carry On Lolita, replete with songs by Carry On regular Jim Dale. © Radio TimesSOLD. Soldy-McSoldsold Sold.
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| As you can see, the film was called 'Lola' in the USA but we'll call it Twinky because... well, because. I thought this poster was good... |
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| But this is sooo much better!! Look at Grumpypants Bronson! |
"As i held her pretty face in pink paws, i forced my lips on her heaving... mouth.
I darted my wet... tongue in-and-out like a lizard then i started scraping the roof of her mouth with my salty-oral-member real slow-like.
'Do i smell precipitation in your panties...' i queried.
'Ooh fucking nora' she panted..."
...ALLLLRIGHT. Nothing remotely close to that happens in this film.
The film synopsis didn't lie so much as the film mentions he writes softcore porn books in the 1st minute and it's never brought up again.
Grump. Nope, this was a massive jip of a piece of crap.
I pictured this film having a sensual writer's narration by Bronson, soft focus bum-waving-in-bed scenes and Bronson and his young charge doing a 'Benny Hill runaround'.
Admittedly, it's a creepy thought but i was hoping this would be Bronson's 'Last Tango in Paris' but this was more like 'Last Tizer in Peckham'. Not because i hoped it would be sexy, but because it would be funny.
Problem with this film is, they're trying to be funny. Everybody knows they're in this jokey film. That doesn't excuse any of the fine British actors for appearing here like Honor Blackman, Paul Ford (the Colonel from 'Sgt.Bilko' ), Lionel Jeffries, Trevor Howard, Jack Hawkins, Robert Morley. Neither are in it for very long but they all look like Characters from Department 'S' skagged off their tits or.. Scottish people from the 80's.
One weird thing about this film is quality of whats shown on screen changes in dribs and drabs. One minute, it's this crummy Super8 handheld style then all of a sudden, theres this sumptuous helicopter shot.
Maybe this has to do with the fact, Twinky was directed by Richard Donner. Eight years later, he was directing one biggest movies attempted for the time- Superman. He later went on to direct the Lethal Weapon 'Quadrilogy' and Maverick.
I'll be charitable and say that Bronson plays a man marrying a 16yo girl with the sort of disconnection usually reserved for applying for a passport. Susan George playing 'brit-lolita', Twinky (though again, no one refers to her as that at any point in the film) with a mischief and nievity of a 5yo old. To prospective actresses with your module on 'nymphettes' coming up- that's a good thing.
This was literally the next thing, Bronson made after Once Upon A Time In The West. I imagine Henry Fonda asking-
"What you upto next, Chuck?"
"Oh... A film in England, with Trevor Howard and Jack Hawkins. Great cast like."
"Oh-ai? Tiidy."
I think the main problem is that it's not over the top enough- The two leads are basically playing it straight which for my purposes (mockery and wanton poor taste), is no fun at all.
Now because you've been very good- Jim Dale's cheeky 60's tribute to cradle-snatching pervs...
I watched Twinky on LoveFilm Online- http://bit.ly/hwd5Hu
My 2011 in Movies will continue with The Proposition (2005)...
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